I’m Not Tired of Love at First Sight

A common thing book bloggers like to talk about are tropes. Tropes we like, tropes we don’t like, tropes that only work sometimes, whatever. There are a couple we can all agree on (everyone is tired of love triangles), a lot we can’t, and a few that are just always fun to talk about.

One of the tropes that most people seem to agree on is that they are tired of “insta-love”.

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The first time I read somebody say that, I was like, “YEAH! That’s not real!” But then I kept seeing it. Over, and over, and over, and over again. And each time I saw that complaint I thought about it a little harder. And the more I thought about it, the more I wasn’t sure what they were so tired of. What books are they reading where people just look at each other and are immediately in love? Romeo and Juliet? Sure. But what else?

So I diligently checked my goodreads. Guys, out of all of the books I have ever read in my entire life, I found THREE. A Discovery of Witches, Divergent, and City of Bones. 


THREE! Hardly enough to warrant getting tired of. In all of the other books the character was either: a) already in love/in a relationship/crushing b) hate-then-love trope or c) not ever in a relationship at all.

To be fair, I have read plenty of books where there was attraction at first sight, that through the course of the book grew in to love. My Lady Jane would be a perfect example of that, or The Fault in Our Stars. I can see how some people might over simplify this to insta-love, but really that’s not fair. Most relationships begin because people are attracted to each other, NOT because they hate each other. And as much fun as the hate-first-then-love thing is, it’s not as realistic as people being mutually attracted and deciding to see where it goes.

Also to be fair, I don’t read a lot of Young Adult books, or contemporary, or romance, or the genres I would generally expect to see this trope in. So I could just be missing all of the obnoxiousness.

And I can completely understand why this would bug someone. Millennials don’t believe in love at first sight. We just don’t. (But we still love Disney movies, hmmmm…)

But here’s the thing.

My husband and I are together because of so-called “insta-love”. He was walking around the music building at our university one day during lunch, thinking about how lonely he was and how much he wanted a girlfriend, and how she should love to read but also love Jesus, and basically dreaming up his dream girl. Then he turned around the corner, saw me sitting there reading a book, decided that I fit enough of his criteria to be attractive, and in an uncharacteristic fit of outgoingness decided to talk to me. Within an hour he decided he liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend and actively started pursuing me.

Was it love at first sight? No. But it’s this kind of thing that I read people criticizing, and it kind of hurts my feelings. It wasn’t instant love, but it was instant “I want to get to know her better”, which in the long run led to love.

And I bet if you asked around, a lot of people you know in long-term relationships would have a similar story.

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So bring on the love at first sight! I would rather read some good old fashioned head-over-heals in love than the tired hate-to-love trope any day. And I’m going to continue to swoon every time I watch Romeo and Juliet, thank you very much.

***Edit: Okay, it’s four books. I forgot about Twilight. That’s stupid insta-love if I ever saw it.***

18 thoughts on “I’m Not Tired of Love at First Sight

  1. Yes, I agree that what we rush to label as “Insta-love” is usually “insta-attraction” …. that may or may not lead to love. In fact, I believe that real, deep, true, meaningful LOVE doesn’t come until after you’ve been through some things with someone. My love for my husband looks waaay different after 25 years than it did when we first were dating. But soooo good! ❤️😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i agree, mostly it’s just insta-attraction. we all know it. we (i mean the singles of course) look at someone, we are attracted and want to get to know the person better. that’s not love, that’s attraction.
    now that i am thinking about it, i can’t come up with a book where it’s like love-at-first-sight. i’m blanking. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dawlyn: Great post! I agree with this! I read and have read A LOT of contemporary, but in most most of what I have read, the couples may take a “short” period of time to fall in love. Maybe a month or a few months. To me, that may not be the most common span of time ever but I do think it does happen! Even if it didn’t, I wouldn’t call that “instant”.

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    1. And I THINK that’s what people are not enjoying. I guess the modern audience feels like it takes longer than that. My husband was trying to tell me he loved me after he’d only known me a month. I kept telling him to stop, because no he didn’t, but he was persistent. Haha.

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  4. I’m fine with attraction or lust at first sight; that makes sense to me. But there are numerous books (and TV shows and movies) out there where couples just seem to be so deep in love that they would risk their lives for the other after just a couple of days.

    I met my boyfriend back in January and thought he was an interesting geeky guy. It still took me a few weeks before I really wanted to get to know him on a more than friend level. And then it took another month or so before I admitted to him that I liked him. Yes, things moved fairly quickly after that, as did the the progressing of our relationship, but it still wasn’t insta-love.

    Now I will say that I am still pretty much a hopeless romantic, so I do like reading adorable romances and watching couples find their happy endings.

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  5. hehe I can really relate to this post- the thing is I often complain about instalove, but rarely determine what I actually mean by that. Basically a lot of the time, my complaint is that in YA a lot of teens will experience instalust (which isn’t a terrible thing in and of itself) share their favourite colours and then within five minutes declare their undying love for each other without ever getting to know each other at all (Twilight is the best eg of this for sure) Even then, I get that this is what teenagers typically do from time to time, I just couldn’t relate to it even as a teen, cos it didn’t seem like love. So I get that it’s an annoying catch-all term though and sometimes I’ll see someone complaining about it (like with the case of Romeo and Juliet) and squirm, because darn it I don’t care if they just met and they’re 14, it doesn’t take away from it as beautiful art! (which may be hypocritical of me, but whatever, that’s why I say there’s always exceptions to every rule) Anyway, that was a really lovely story of how you and your husband met 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thanks! I always find it terribly embarrassing, that he was basically looking for a girlfriend and I was just the first girl he saw. lol

      But yeah, I get what you mean. I can get annoyed by it too. But mostly I get annoyed when people read an insta-love and say “That’s not real love!”, but get mad when adults tell teens they can’t really know what love means. I hear teens complain about that ALL. THE. TIME. And you know what? I was really in love when I was a teen. I would have married that boy. It didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t love. There. I said it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome! hahaha not really! He just knew what he wanted lol 😉

        Totally get that!! And yes, I was the same when I was a teen- and I got really annoyed with people for dismissing it (and you’re right, people aren’t right about that at all) But at the same time, I didn’t fall in love with someone for having the same favourite colour (seriously- I’ve read more than one book where that seems to be the point when they fall for each other).


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